I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
