I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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