I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Banned from zoo.
Again?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
