May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
