White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
