I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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