I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
