the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
