my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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