apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
