It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
