i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just saw a hot homeless man
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
