everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
