fuck your aforementioned shoe
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
