at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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