She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
