I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
