Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
