my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
