so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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