im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
