Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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