Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
