smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
