My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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