I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
