It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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