Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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