they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
