I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The air was thick with penises
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
