It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
