My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
