dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
