areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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