question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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