I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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