my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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