I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
