I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just pynch a tree in the face
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
