you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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