ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
