Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
