We're like a lot better than the average bears
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
