I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
