mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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