Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
