If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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