I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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