cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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