Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I will be naked everywhere
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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