There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
