I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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