i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
3pm strippers are depressing
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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